oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
