im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
