awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
