her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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