my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
