Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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