so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
