Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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