she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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