508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
