ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His hands were made for my vagina.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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