I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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