Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
