Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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