i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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