I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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