i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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