Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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