I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
