you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
pop tarts are not kleenex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
