My room smells like vodka and shame
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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