I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
