so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
