things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
