Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
