It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
