I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
