you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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