Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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