I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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