Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
