This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
