I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
