3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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