You just made me feel so damn special
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
