Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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