I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
