i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
