Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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