he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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