Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
