I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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