She is in my trunk
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
