I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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