why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
