I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
