I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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