No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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