She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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