Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
