lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
