Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
