There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
