I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
