We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
